Natalie

• Needed to add Turkel to author list
• Spelling error (Turkle’s)
• Thesis was incomplete/ current statement was vague
• Suggestion for an “I” statement to help defend the quote from the article
• Suggestion for an “I” statement to help defend the quote from the article
  • Needed to defend the meaning of “face to face conversations”
• This could be an explanation of what the strong message could be. Either use a few examples of you own and cross check them with block quote above or question the meaning of why people have differing viewpoints

Mae

• After reading a couple times, this part feels a little choppy. After daily lives try adding a period and break that second part into another supporting sentence. the double AND feels off, otherwise its good support
• I agree with Natalie, this quote has strong meaning and the way you bring it into the paper makes sense. I would suggest adding an “I” section to help defend the statement and make it stronger
• Check for a few grammar issues
• Flow seems off, AND was used twice in one sentence and did not work well